I am gay. In Bangkok, gay life and society means extravagance. I spent money on expensive stuff. To be frank, I slept around. But every time I had sex with anyone, I always used condoms. That’s why I’m not sure how I got infected. I guess it happened when I got drunk one night. On account of my drunkenness, I don’t remember what happened.
Everything drastically changed when I got HIV. After my HIV diagnosis, and before I was admitted to the hospital, I decided to be ordained. My father is a Buddhist monk. We went to Chaing Rai and stopped at Wat Rong Khun, a Buddhist temple. We had a photo taken there, the only photo taken during my monkhood.
I was admitted to the hospital in my hometown, in Cholburi province. I told my mother and doctor that I had HIV. I was close to death. Eventually, when I started to get the right treatment and medicine, I got better.
I joined a Christian group where no one was unwelcoming to me. Everyone comfortably used the same glassware and plates as I did, knowing that nobody would get infected. I have learned that HIV can’t spread this way to others. At the church, everyone knows who I am and what condition I have. The church is the most comfortable place for me. I am still a Buddhist. But I don’t go to the Buddhist temple. I go to the Christian church instead.
The left side of my body is partially paralyzed due to an HIV-related fungal infection in the brain. If I could walk like normal, everything would be perfect. Although my body is not the same on both sides, I can still do things. I can take care of myself. I don’t need to be a burden to anybody. The good half of my body allows me to continue with my life. I can do everything, as if nothing had happened. The whole fruit is completely beautiful but it doesn’t mean that the cut fruit won’t be beautiful too. It has a different, perhaps greater, beauty. This is my good half. My disability doesn’t affect the beauty of my soul.
My favorite photo is of me with the car. The car is about fast speed. My body is at slow speed, which makes a strong contrast.