In Bangkok, gay life and society means extravagance. I spent money on expensive stuff and, to be frank, I slept around. But every time I had sex with anyone, I always used condoms. That’s why I’m not sure how I got infected. I guess it happened when I got drunk one night. On account of my drunkenness, I don’t remember what happened.
Everything drastically changed when I got HIV. After my diagnosis, I decided to be ordained. My father is a Buddhist monk. We went to Chiang Rai and stopped at Wat Rong Khun, a Buddhist temple. We had a photo taken there, the only photo taken during my monkhood.
Thereafter, I was admitted to the hospital in my hometown, in Chonburi province. I told my mother and doctor that I had HIV. I was close to death. Eventually, when I started to get the right treatment and medicine, I got better.
I joined a Christian group where no one was unwelcoming to me. Everyone comfortably used the same glassware and plates as I did, knowing that nobody would get infected. I have learned that HIV can’t spread this way to others. At the church, everyone knows who I am and what condition I have. The church is the most comfortable place for me. I am still a Buddhist. But I don’t go to the Buddhist temple. I go to the Christian church instead.
The left side of my body is partially paralyzed due to an HIV-related fungal infection in the brain. If I could walk like normal, everything would be perfect. Although my body is not the same on both sides, I can still do things. I can take care of myself. I don’t need to be a burden to anybody. The good half of my body allows me to continue with my life. I can do everything, as if nothing has happened. The whole fruit is completely beautiful but it doesn’t mean that the cut fruit won’t be beautiful too. It has a different, perhaps greater, beauty. This is my good half. My disability doesn’t affect the beauty of my soul.